Physics to me is a concept I enjoy. I call it a concept because it's something I really can't wrap my mind around. I say I enjoy it because it's interesting even if it's only a vague concept to me.. Fatalism is, well, I can't wrap my mind around that concept either. Still, philosophies are to a thinking person what numbers are to a physicist. So, fatalism is a concept I wish I could comprehend and I think I could enjoy contemplating all the unknowable destinations it might want me to explore.
Years ago, in a point of time and space far away from where our world presently revolves a star in our solar system, an Infinitesimal small photon filled with fierceness and named Destiny, began its billions years journey to find you. I can only speculate as to what it discovered upon finding you, but here goes my best attempt.
I think your happiest days as a little girl were those days that were brilliantly bright and beautiful as the sun caressed your soft cheeks. You loved and adored the days when the skies were blue and the clouds were white. On days like that, you enjoyed playing outside and your overly active imagination wanted to find and explore everything nature was freely offering you outside the four walls of your modest home. As you were of an outgoing personality, you always met friends because you didn't know strangers. But the location in which you lived saw to it that there'd be lots of days when the clouds were thick with darkness and the sun's rays were trapped behind those dark clouds. You hated these dull, dreary days and they could make you feel sad.
But I think maybe you were always precocious and blessed with an innate ability to easily learn. I think you probably read all the time and remembered most of everything you read. Life wasn't too hard on you, but it also never allowed you to be totally carefree either. Even then, your fierceness pressed you to be busy and achieve, even when that meant you couldn't play as often as some other kids played. When you were only twelve, your dad passed away. That was very hard, especially if he paid attention to you and always assured you of how much he loved you. But I think your beautiful heart was fierce through it all. You knew your father was well read, so you went into his library and found your most favorite book of all time.
I don't think life was easy on you after his passing. The Ukraine would experience war, which is something young people should never have to live through. But I think your beautiful fierce heart was determined to do well in school, so you studied hard and learned everything you could. You'd be fierce and eventually go to university. I think ever since you were a little girl, you'd see animals, birds, chickens, cats, dogs, beatles, and your soft and tender heart would feel glad, happy and so supper excited that it always led you to run after them. In much the same way, your heart was always looking and feeling empathy for friends, family, and even strangers. You felt a desire to do whatever you could to reach out to people and help them as best you could. You had been sensitive to the things people felt emotionally and at some point in university, your brilliant mind decided you could learn psychology and help others this way.
But while you learned academic knowledge, your fierceness led you to the arts and you realized you could travel and perform for people. I think it made you feel good that you could help others feel happy with your performances. Maybe this was cathartic to you and helped you grow more self-acceptance and self love. (Although I know you found ultimate happiness at 12). I think going to university helped you in a lot of ways. Of course, you gained academic learning, but it got you out of and away from a town that didn't always have the bright, beautiful sunshine you needed and wanted.
Anyway, your heart remained fierce and you'd eventually travel Europe and visit museums that contained exhibits that piqued your interest. You were even more fierce and you'd travel to destinations that would yield lots of beautiful sunshine for you. Eventually fate would allow Mt Agung to finally meet you, lol.
Anyways, I believe for billions of years, a photon called destiny was full of fierceness and traveled all that time to greet you on the day you were conceived. Even here recently, the fierceness of your beautiful heart asks you to take supplies to troops fighting in Ukraine.
I don't have any idea if anything I said represents any real thing that's ever happened to you. I am just lying here in bed and tapping some thoughts out on the tiny screen of my tiny ass phone. Hell, I'm pretty sure that neither physics or fatalism could prove that a photon called destiny traveled billions of years to fill your beautiful heart with fierceness. I just think that even if you don't see yourself as being fierce, I sense a lot of fierceness in you.
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