As my heart smiles a smile full of pure happiness, my words want me to tell you how this same heart of mine allows my feelings to gladly produce tears where every salty, watery drop falls with elation I'd previously thought impossible. You see, I need to tell you my heart has always known my best words have been reserved for a story I'd resolved to tell you about a great and forever love I'd previously believed would forever exist only in the world of my dreams. So you need to also see how these tears I'm writing to you about had to be released when my heart realized this dream had finally arrived in my very woke, very deliberate, and very much lived breath. Anyway, please relax and allow me to take you to this place of both my very long ago and of my not so long ago where my words and this story begin to take shape in my heart.
There was a time when my heart desired her like it never desired anything else. I wanted to see her, I wanted to touch her, and I wanted to hold her. But more than anything, I wanted to hear her voice and talk to her. Her heart meant everything to me and I knew her heart could make me get up in the morning, and because of her heart, I knew I could face the day. My own heart would revolve around our conversations and it was these conversations my heart coveted with it's most intense desire because it was in our conversations where she would become real to me. Her heart would mean everything and more to me. This was because I knew I'd feel empty and vapid without this heart of hers beating while it showed me all its perfect light, color, and beauty during the meaningful conversations we'd share one with another. But this is important for you to know and to understand, the she I'm referring to never really was, she never existed outside my dreams and this seemed to forever keep her out of my reach and away from my ears that desperately needed to hear her voice. Still, there was a time when I was able to find a few pitiful words to write about her to you. This is what I said about her on April 21, 2010:
Sunset and sunrise have come and gone in numbers many, still like a familiar friend they come. With the new dawn, as with all dawns past, I wait, longing to reach out and feel your skin so silky smooth while the sun rises yet again. Last night, like so many nights before, that dream haunted me with the sent of your awesome perfume driving me wild with the desire to have your skin and mine become one. As light fills the room, the beauty of that dream once more fades away and as I must and do awake while the dew clears from my mind, for a fleeting moment, I see my sweet Juliet only to be disappointed by that dawn and the sun breaking in the east.
More to follow....
Comments