Points Of Light I've experienced a few beautiful hours but now I'm down.
Outside the temperature is cold and the skies are cloudy. Dreary is the description that comes to mind. That would be descriptive of the weather as well as myself. These words are always present with me, the ones that inform me life isn't simple nor simply understood. But there are other words always present with me, the ones that inform me light is a constant. Light is a constant and dependable making it unlike a me. Isn't that I good thing?
I'll tell you over and over - write. Light is constant so color is always available. This is a good thing to depend on because when you and I write, light is always available to give us plenty of color to choose from as we pick our words to write. I mean, I want to paint a beautiful picture with my words and my heart's desire is that you to do the same. I want to paint with my words to find beauty. In that beauty I aspire to be happy, happy enough to smile, and happy enough to enjoy the color the constancy of light gives me.
"But Tod, like you I'm feeling down." Yes we are, but let's think about this with our words. We want to see past the dark here and we want to see the light out there. I'd suggest you read my post - "Writing With Intention To Finding Beauty In Light." Here's something I say there - " Of that black-hole, he wishes he could escape its pull, but one can’t escape the attraction of so great gravity." As a one-off, this sounds grave, it sounds ominous, but I go on to say it really is possible to escape that great gravity. It's possible with words - when I choose to write them. In choosing to write, it's like we choose to give up gravity for grace with its almost unbearable being of lightness. Of that lightness, let me tell you it is bearable and you find it's a thousand, million, billion times better than being tethered down with the weight of depression's darkness. So why grant weight to being depressed when we can find words to write?
On Wednesday the 6th of November, 2019 I was working on this Blog. Now mind you, I know nothing where it concerns building a blog. As easy as the site creators try to make it, I still find it a challenge and I very much struggle with it. Thank God he's allowed me to find a talented editor to help me launch this blog and get it off the ground, but I still have to do my part. So there I was doing but failing miserably. I became flustered but continued working on it for a while more. I finally gave up. But Points Of Light, I need you to know as flustered as I was I didn't throw my keyboard across the room as I swore out loud from anger and frustration how this man "can't do one damn thing right!" That's been this man's past, a past that was dark, and what I just described about throwing the keyboard as I shouted, that would have been an ugly beast. You can see how I'd have given a lot of gravity to that anger and frustration and how I'd have allowed it's weight to tether me down. Points Of Light, it turned out different for me, you see, I became flustered, true. But what's also true is that I felt mollified at the same time. I saw light in this experience and I found I happily gave up gravity for grace! So I wrote about it and I'm going to share it here in just a little bit.
Earlier today I attended an event at my grand-kids school that they'd invited me to a couple of weeks ago. It was a time for their elementary school to show appreciation and support for the United States and her veterans. It was an awesome event and the presentation was thoughtful and meaningful. I was moved to tears a couple of times. My grandson had a speaking part to present and my granddaughter sang a tribute with all the classes present at the event. My daughter was there as was my ex-wife. My work had been wonderfully expeditious in seeing to it I got whatever time I needed to be there to support my grand-kids, and for that, I was very grateful. I had an awesome time and my heart was made full, but on the way home I began to feel down and it was the type of down I used to experience at the onset of depression that was always accompanied by darkness. Why? As I said - "Outside the temperature is cold and the skies are cloudy. Dreary is the description comes to mind. That would be descriptive of the weather as well as myself." You might say for a minute I gave gravity to an affect the weather was giving me. But now I've written and in writing I've found points of light, and thank God, color - insert smile here!
I'll always have more to say and I hope the next time I'll write you with more emotion and a lot more love. Never ever forget I love you Points Of Light! Each one of you is awesome and I'm proud of you!!
Here's what I wrote about being both flustered and mollified after working on the blog -
"I was getting flustered with the blog set up tonight. I'm okay and it's okay that I was getting flustered. OKAY, it's a new word for me or I have a new, better, and a real appreciation for an old familiar word. Life's a little different when you finally sit at the table elbow to elbow with other real people. I'm just unfamiliar with the process of setting up a
blog and in that there's a learning curve to calmly confront so we can eventually become good friends. There's something to be said about experiencing a lightness of being when you give up gravity for grace, but as I've just arrived here, those are words I'm too uncertain of to write and
then share with you. I'm okay with this also, I feel good just knowing my heart has a desire to say something while it takes a pause in order to say it correct and well. Flustered and mollified, that feels like nothing I've felt before, and it feels ever so surprisingly well. So near to me, I feel an objective place where an evangelist envelops my mind in these transcendent words, "God is light, and in him there is no darkness—none at all!" I know grace happens without requirement or desert. Amazing grace and smiles for the color it reveals while I look at beauty's warmth. I want you to know I've encountered flustered and I find myself happy.
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